


That Reaching Out Hand

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Challenge Response, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-19
Updated: 1999-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-11 01:05:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11138169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived atDue South Archive. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onDue South Archive collection profile.





	That Reaching Out Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

THAT REACHING OUT HAND

THAT REACHING OUT HAND

By Jennifer

Okay, I'm back. I have to throw out major suds warning here. This is unlike anything I've posted here before but I couldn't resist the suds. There just isn't enough Kowalski fic out here. So this is Kowalski and one of those dreaded OFC's (Original Female Characters). So if you're not into Kowalski, or OFC's or fuzzy meaningless fluff, then please turn back now. Oh and on top of fluff there's some violence. Sort of yucky kind. You have been forewarned...

Usual disclaimer-- Kowalski, Fraser, the wolf, and all other DS characters used do not belong to me. I just love to borrow them from time to time. And I thank you kindly for their use. Oh and just one more thing: I'm not a doctor. Don't pretend to know what the heck I'm talkin about when it comes to medicine, so whatever medical stuff that is in here is completely made up and probably improbable. And now, the hand...

NC-17

M/F

 

The church buzzed that afternoon as I waited in the vestibule for the one o'clock hour. My two bridesmaids helped me get myself together; makeup perfect, veil over my face, flowers arranged. They all looked so beautiful. My very best friends sharing this day with me. I looked at Franchesca Vecchio, the woman who had become my most trusted friend. After all, I was marrying the man that once was her brother. 

"You look gorgeous." She smiled. 

"You too." I whispered.

  
"So you think you could put in a good word to Fraser for me." She grinned. 

"Somehow I don't think that will be necessary."

She smiled. "I envy you," she said.

"I'm lucky." I smiled back at her. I then took a deep breathe as Fraser entered the vestibule, red serge finely pressed as usual. Concern clouded his lovely blue eyes.

"Hey Frase." I said. "You okay?"

"We seem to have a slight problem Ellie."

"What kind of problem Fraser? Is the priest here? Are we missing anything? Rings... uh..." 

"Ellie, please step outside with me for a moment."

"Fraser, what's going on?"

He took a breath. "We're missing Ray."

I met his gaze then, feeling my stomach tighten. "What?" I managed to squeak. 

"Ray isn't here yet."

I ran my tongue over my lips nervously. "He's just late. You know Ray."

"Right. Late." He said more in an effort to convince himself. "We'll just give him a few minutes."

I nodded. "I know Ray. He'll be here."

"Of course."

We waited for five minutes. The clock struck one o'clock. Ten more minutes passed, then drifted into twenty. Soon an hour had gone by and Ray still hadn't shown.

I looked around the vestibule at my friends and would be family. I put on my brave face. "He's not coming." I felt the nausea climb from my stomach to my throat. I fought it back gathering myself together. "I'm going to go in there and uh,"

"I'll go," Fraser came to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. 

I looked into his caring eyes. "No. I have to do it."

He nodded and made way for me to enter the church. I made my way slowly toward the altar, feeling the eyes of our some 150 guests on me. I stopped three quarters of the way there. I faced the sea of eyes with as much bravado as I could muster.

"I, uh," my voice cracked. "I just want to thank you all for coming. We appreciate your love and support." I fought back tears ad scanned the pews slowly, my thoughts trailing to last night. My eyes then met with Stella's, Ray's one true weakness, and hatred filled me. I just knew she was the reason he wasn't here. But I forced that feeling away, my brave face recovered for a moment. "It looks like Ray isn't going to be here today." Gasps filled the room. "But I ask you to please make your way over to the Crystal Ballroom for dinner and dancing. There's a really great band over there getting ready so uh, please have a good time and I'll..." My voice lowered and then trailed away all together. Tears burned my eyes as I started back toward the vestibule. I held my head up as I walked, my dignity falling away with my tears...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

10 months prior...

 

Gunfire rings out around us. Damn it! Why can't he carry a loaded gun like every other cop I know! I can't hold off six guys with semi automatics with a nine round clip! Shit!

"Okay Fraser. You got any bright ideas? Cuz I could really use one right now." 

Fraser sinks deeper behind the crates we're taking cover behind. "Well Ray, it would seem that they are working to surround us."

"No kidding, Fraser! Where did you get that idea?"

"I think that if you can lay down some whittling fire, I may be able to..."

"Whittling fire Fraser? I only got one clip left!"

"Oh dear. Well we're going to have to make a break for it."

"Backup will be here soon."

"And if they're not, Ray? We just wait here until you run out of ammunition and they..."

"I don't wanna get shot, Frase."

"Neither do I, Ray, but I don't see that we have any choice but to make a break for it."

"Damn it! Why did I let you talk me into this! Wait for backup, I say. We can't go in there alone, I say! And what does he say? They may get away Ray! We have each other Ray!"

"Ray this is your case. Our biggest lead... if we let it go the evidence."

"Enough Fraser!"

"Ray, have you ever heard the story about the rabbit..."

"No stories Fraser!" I gasp. "How can you think of telling a story now!" I spring up and discharge the final three rounds of the clip and then plop down again. "They're getting closer Fraser." I reload my last clip.

"I can hear that Ray."

"Yeah, of course."

"You ready?" He asks looking at me.

I shake my head, not ready at all. I close my eyes. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Alright, on the count of three."

"Yeah,"

"One..."

"Two..." I say and then look at him again. "It's been nice knowing ya, Frase."

"You too Ray... Three..."

We spring into action, up and out of cover. I discharge all nine rounds of my clip as I dash after Fraser. Shots ring out... I can hear the sirens... backup... finally... 

I feel it then... something hot, tearing into my gut. Shit, I'm hit... It tears through me... "Fraser!" My legs give out... the door... 

**************************************************************************************

Flatline...

"What's his name!" I yell as I begin pulmonary recusitation of the young man whose dying on my table. Then I count it out. One, two, three...

"Stanley Kowalski."

"Good, alright, Kowalski, come on." My voice is demanding. I won't take no for an answer. "Damn it Kowlaski!" He's not responding. The monitor shows a steady string. "Grab on, Kowalski. Grab on!"

Flatline...

Paddles are ready and gelled. "Clear!" I yell. His body jolts. Nothing.

Paddles are readied again. "Clear!" Again, he jolts. Nothing.

"Damn it! I'm not gonna lose you! Kowalski!"

Suddenly I hear Doctor Gordon, chief surgical resident. "Call it Ellen."

I continue to resuscitate. I'm not going to let him go. I've lost patients before but somehow, he's different.

"Doctor Lang, call it!"

"No damn it!" I exclaim continuing.

"Ellen!"

But I tune him out. I settle my gaze on the young blonde detective. _Come on Kowalski..._

**************************************************************************************

Everything is dark and I'm falling. I'm falling hard and fast. I need something to hold onto; anything to keep me from falling. I start yellin'. I'm callin' for Fraser, for Stella. I'm callin' for anyone who can hear me. I don't want to go. I don't want to fall anymore.

And then I hear somethin' like music in the darkness. A voice, strong and beautiful. "Come on Kowalski. Damn it Kowalski!" She keeps sayin' my name with a frightening urgency. It scares me. And then I see it. A hand reaching out to me. I don't see anything else, just the hand.

Franklin... could be the hand of death... that reaching out hand...

But I don't care. I just don't wanna fall anymore.

I stretch for the hand. Reach for it. Struggle for it like I never have before. And I grab it, that reaching out hand, and I hold on.

**************************************************************************************

I pull of my gloves and toss them into the garbage as I start toward the exit of the trauma room. I then pull off my bloody scrubs and toss them as well. I make my way to the waiting room. They told me he came in with a Mountie, who had apparently escaped the scene physically unscathed. But then I saw him. Our eyes meeting blue on blue. I knew he was in a tremendous amount of pain. 

I approach him slowly. Keeping my eyes on his face as he rises to greet me. He knows that his partner is bad. Doctor Gordon had a nurse escort him away when Kowalski flatlined.

"I presume you are the Mountie?" 

"Yes Ma'am. Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP." He said it so naturally but his voice was tinged with sorrow.

"Constable, I'm..."

The Mountie cut me off quietly. "I'm sure you did everything you could for him..." I could hear dread now.

"Constable, you should be able to see him in a couple hours."

He stares at me, as if what I had said needed to register. "See... him?"

"Yes." I smile slightly as I nod. "He'll be asleep for a while. And then I'll have him sedated..."

"He's alive?"

"Yes Constable. And his prognosis is good. We retrieved the bullet, unfortunately we had to take some of his large intestine with it. He had some internal damage as well but we've got that taken care of."

Relief spreads over his face. He is smiling now. "Thank you, Doctor."

"No need, Constable. Your friend is very strong."

"Indeed he is..."

**************************************************************************************

She disrobes herself of her white coat and folds it neatly into her backpack. It will need cleaning after the day she's had. She cleans herself up as best as she can and heads for the Emergency Room exit. She's exhausted after fifteen hours on shift. She walks slowly to her car thinking about the policeman who almost died on her table today. She doesn't understand why he touched her so intensely today. It's not encouraging to think but if it had been anyone else, she may have followed her superior's orders and given up. But for some reason, she couldn't give up on him. Not _him_. And it bothers her now. Bothers her so much that she turns around and goes back into the hospital.

She stops at the nurse's station and chats quietly for several minutes before heading to Room 315, Kowalski's room. As she enters, she sees the Mountie hunched over in the chair at his friend's side.

She places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes it reassuringly. 

"Go home," She says. "I'll stay with him." It surprises her as much as is does him.

"Aren't you tired?" He asks, turning his lovely blue eyes to her.

"I'm fine. I've lived through longer shifts than this. Besides, I'm off duty now. This will be cake."

"That's going well above and beyond the call of duty." He says as he stands, stretching his back as he does so.

"Don't you go above and beyond the call of duty, Constable? Didn't he today?"

Fraser smiles at Ray's very caring doctor. "Yes, he did. And yes, I do. It's just not everyday that someone... uh... "

"It's Okay, Constable. I understand. He'll be fine for a while. He may even sleep for a few more hours. That will better for him anyway. He'll be in quite a bit of pain when he wakes up."

"Right. Well, I thank you kindly for your interest and concern for my partner." He picks up his Stetson and heads for the door. "These people are very lucky." He says.

"What people?"

"These people who are fortunate enough to have you for their doctor."

"They would be fortunate if they didn't need a doctor."

He smiles again. "Indeed."

"Go on. Get some sleep. I'm sure he'll need you when he does wake up. I promise to call for you immediately if you aren't back by then."

"Alright. Thank you again."

**************************************************************************************

A twitch in her neck stirred and startled her awake. She rubbed her eyes and checked her watch. Three hours. She had been asleep for three hours. She stood quietly, her eyes falling to Stanley Kowalski's sleeping form on the bed. She moved closer to him, no longer the doctor. She touched his face gently and closed her eyes in an attempt to chase away the crazy thoughts she's been having about him since seeing him. _You don't even know him, Ellie. Besides the fact, he's your patient_.

She moved her hand to his and takes hold. "I know you can do this, Kowalski." She didn't know how she knew. She just knew.

"Doctor Lang."

Ellen twirled around to face Doctor Gordon, the chief surgical resident.

"Yes, sir."

"I think you need to distance yourself from this patient."

"Sir?"

"I sense this has become somewhat personal for you. That can become dangerous. Not to mention the fact that this hospital has rules about such things."

"But Sir," she protested.

"Doctor, I'm not asking you. I'm ordering you away from this patient. If I hear that you've been here again, I will have you up on charges of misconduct."

She swallowed hard, anger building inside her. _How dare he! Kowalski would be dead if it was left up to him!_

"Who is going to replace me?"

"Doctor Butler. He'll be in shortly."

She nodded, taking comfort that it wouldn't be Doctor Gordon. She squeezed Kowalski's hand and then released it. She then moved past Gordon, stopping just a few steps behind him. 

"If there is any misconduct performed today, Doctor, it was performed by you. He'd be dead it had been left up to you." 

**************************************************************************************

Doctor Ellen Lang finished her rounds late that evening. She moved to the nurse's station and handed over her completed charts. It had been six weeks since she had her run in with Doctor Gordon. And he had made her life hell. Long shifts, crazy hours. He kept her out of the Operating Room on many occasions. She had done what he ordered her to do. She had stayed away from Stanley Kowalski. She didn't even ask about him. And that had been hard. But she knew her career depended on Gordon and she had to pacify him. 

Ellen handed the charts over to Molly, the head nurse on duty, signing off on them as she did so.

"Rough day?" Molly asked.

"No rougher than usual." She smiled at her friend. "But I am gonna head home. Eighteen hours is enough for me."

The woman smiled back. "Sounds good. But before you go, there's someone here to see you."

Ellen sighed. "Molly, can you please make an excuse for me? I'm so exhausted."

"I really can't. Not this one. He's in Wait Room 4."  


"Thanks." Ellen handed over the last chart and headed for the waiting room. She simply couldn't talk to anyone else. _I'll make it quick..._

**************************************************************************************

Stanley Raymond Kowalski paced the room he was told to wait in. He didn't know why he was so nervous. She was just another woman. Just a doctor who had apparently gone to great lengths to save his life. Just the woman in his dreams...

He clutched the bouquet of flowers in his hand. _Why am I doing this? She probably won't even remember me. I mean, who would remember my skinny little ass?_

He watched the door open and a woman stepped in the room. God she was beautiful, with chestnut hair and blue eyes, which seemed to light up when she saw him. A smile spread across her beautiful lips. She closed the door behind her. Ray froze.

"Hi," she said, her smile radiating warmth that melted him.

"Are you her?" He asked.

She nodded slowly. "I think so."

"Then these are for you." He held out a small bouquet of daisies to her. 

She reached out for them and gently lifted them from his hands. "Thank you. I love daisies."

He smiled then. "I had a hunch." _Not to mention the fact you've been in my dreams every night since I was shot!_

"They're lovely." She shook her head. God, it filled her up that he was here! Here to see her! "It's really good to see you... uh... like this." She was starting to stutter. _Oh God, don't let me make an idiot of myself!_

"I heard whatcha did."

"What I did?"

"Saving my life and all."

"Oh,"

"I just... I..." he looked at her. "Would you wanna have dinner with me or somthin'?"

"When?"

"Now." He said quickly.

"Oh God, I'm... uh..." _I'm a mess! I've been on for eighteen hours! I'd be wretched company! I'd probably fall asleep in my pasta!_

"Okay, nevermind." Dejection filled his voice as he moved past her to hide the feelings of rejection that played on his face. "Maybe you could call me or somethin..."

"Now's fine." She added quickly spinning to face him. "It's fine. I... I... I would like that. I just have to get cleaned up. I'm really pretty skuzzy right now."

__

Yer just plain pretty. "I can drive you home if you like." Suddenly he felt a little bad for laying a guilt trip on her, involuntary as it may have been. "You know we could do it another time. Really. I wasn't thinkin'."

"No, I'm kind of hungry."

He smiled then, big beautiful smile. "Ya know if yer too tired I could drop you off at home and you can get cleaned up and I can just pick up some food and bring it back to yer place."

She ran her tongue over her bottom lip, considering his idea. _I don't know him, but somehow I trust him._

"Okay, that sounds fine."

"Good. I'll, uh, get the car and meet ya out front."

She nodded and smiled. "Sure."

"Good." He kept smiling. He was almost jumping out of his skin. His energy suddenly abounding. "By the way, I'm Ray Kowalski."

"Ray? I thought it was Stanley."

He couldn't believe how wonderful she was to remember. "It's Stanley Raymond Kowalski. I've just always liked Ray."

"Well, I'm Ellen Lang."

**************************************************************************************

She met him outside the entrance of the Emergency Room. He walked her to his car and proceeded to unlock the car door.

"This is your car?" She asked him, smiling, admiring the black GTO. "My brother had a GTO... 71, if I remember correctly... engine was smaller than this."

Ray looked at her in surprise. "You know about cars?"

"Just a little. My brother was a gear-head."

"Yeah, the engines got smaller in the 70's." He opened the door for her. 

"Yeah, that's what A.G. always said." She smiled brightly at him before sliding into the seat.

"You... uh... wanna drive?" He surprised himself with the offer.

"Really?" Her smile widened playfully.

"Yeah. I mean you gotta driver's license and all?"

She nodded. "Of course. You're sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. Slide over."

She shimmied her way behind the wheel. She then watched as Ray slipped into the passenger seat. He met her gaze and handed over the keys. She turned the key in the ignition and listened as the engine turned over. "That's a great sound." She murmured. "Like laughter."

"Yeah."

She grasped the wheel easily. She then pulled the car in gear and they were off.

**************************************************************************************

Ellen lived near Lake Shore Drive, in an apartment near Lincoln Park. It was a nice neighborhood. Full of yuppies and professionals. Not quite Ray Kowalski's speed. But she's a doctor. He couldn't expect her to live in slum.

She led him inside the building and to the elevator. They were quiet. Even though he was with her, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He watched her as she pushed the button for the 4th floor. He watched her hands fall gracefully to her sides as she leaned her back against the side of the elevator. His eyes met with hers then and she smiled, softly, unassumingly. 

"So uh, what do ya want me to get to eat?" Ray asked her, as the elevator reached its destination. He followed her out and down the hallway.

"Oh it doesn't matter. I pretty much eat anything."

"Aw, come on. There's gotta be something."

"Hmmm." She stopped in front of her door and pulled her keys out of her purse. "I have a weak spot for pizza. Deep dish with everything on it except anchovies."

He grinned. "Okay. I know a good place." 

"Good." She unlocked the door and walked in, allowing him to pass before she closed the door. 

"I'm a little messy right now. I've had really bum hours for the past few weeks."

"S' ok. I know how that is."

"So, I'm just gonna get cleaned up, shower and change."

"Sure. I'll just go and get the food."

"Okay. Here." She held out her keys to him.

"I can ring the bell," he hesitated. It was so odd that she trusted him enough to hand over her keys.

She smiled. "I know. But I tend to get distracted in the shower. Something about the warmth and..." Her voice trailed off.

"I know whatcha mean. If yer sure..."

"I'm sure."

"Okay. I'll be back in a bit."

"Okay. Good." She watched him leave and then turned to her bedroom. _Oh God, I don't believe I'm doing this..._

**************************************************************************************

True to form, Ellen did stay in the shower longer than she intended. She always relished in her after work showers. They washed everything away. The death, sickness, and blood she came across every day. It's not that she doubted the path she chose as far as being a doctor was concerned. But day in and day out, she encountered sick children, dying mothers... It was a lot for her. It was a lot for anyone. So at the end of the day or morning, whatever time she was able to scoot home, she ran the hot shower and just relaxed in the warmth of the water.

She heard Ray Kowalski come back while she towel dried her wet body. She hurried herself along. Drying off completely, applying lotion, deodorant, and then clothing. She pulled a comb through her hair and tied it back in a thick braid. She checked her reflection. _Humph, you certainly know how to make an impression, Ellie._

When Ray returned to Ellen's apartment, she wasn't quite ready yet. So he proceeded to go through her kitchen in search of plates and glasses for the wine he brought. In his search he found candles. He held a short argument with himself before deciding to light them. He set them on the coffee table in the living room. He then set the plates there as well as the pizza. He returned to the kitchen where he located a corkscrew and opened the bottle of Merlot. 

Ellen entered the living feeling refreshed but slightly self-conscious. It had been a while since she had her last date. A disaster of a fling with a doctor from the hospital. What she came across when she left her bedroom was a lovely candlelit scene in her living room. She looked to the kitchen where Ray was pouring two glasses of wine. "This is nice." She said, approaching him.

"I didn't want to move anything," he motioned to the mess on her dining room table.

She blushed. "Oh gosh, I forgot about that stuff." Her laptop, handfuls of books, and a bunch of medical journals lay sprawled on the table.

"S' ok. Really. This works." He looked into the living room. He moved around the island that divided her kitchen and dining room. He handed her a glass of wine. "It's my fault really. I just..." he paused and then looked at her. "I didn't want to let the moment go."

"It's okay. I didn't want to say no. I just wanted to be more prepared. I'm always prepared." _Just not for you._

"Well maybe if this goes okay we can prepare next time."

She made her way to the couch and sat down, setting her glass of wine on the coffee table. "This is nice. Relaxing."

He sat next to her. "I'm glad you said yes."

"Me too."

They ate the pizza, drank the wine. They dimmed the lights and threw in a movie. They talked a lot. About their jobs. About their friends, Fraser mostly. 

"So we end up in Canada, Franklin Bay which is way up North. We catch the bad guys but not after jumping out of a plane, getting stuck in an ice crevice and nearly freezing to death. But that's Fraser's territory. But when it's done we don't wanna go home. So we take a vacation and go looking for the hand of Franklin. Which is weird cuz when I was dyin'," Ray looked over at her. Her head rested on the couch. Her eyes were closed and her breathing steady. He smiled at her. Peaceful and beautiful as she slept. He watched her for several moments before summoning his courage to touch her. He reached out to her and caressed her cheek softly. She stirred slightly and he pulled away. He sighed then. He didn't want to wake her. She wasn't kidding when she told him she was tired.

He stood up and quietly cleared their dishes from the table. He set them in the kitchen sink. He then cleared away the empty pizza box and the empty wine bottle. She wasn't kidding when she told him she liked pizza either. She had eaten more than he had ever seen Stella eat. He liked that about her. He liked that she could eat and not care what anyone thought. But then looking at her he wondered where she put it. He knew where it went. She was just like him. 

He turned off the television and VCR. He gently lifted her onto the couch and covered her with an afghan that lay over her couch. He stared at her for a few moments. It had been too long for him. It had been too long since he felt this way about anyone. He touched her face again, allowing his hand to linger there a few moments. He then left her keys on the coffee table, gathered his own, and turned out the lights. He closed the door gently behind him as he left.

**************************************************************************************

The squadroom was quiet the next day for Ray. But then he wasn't his usual ornery self either. He didn't even snap at Dewey when he made a snide comment about Ray's arrest record without the Mountie. It was okay. He was quite pleasurable when he asked Tom the reason his comedy club was empty last Saturday night. 

"Kowalski." Welsh called his detective from inside his office.

Ray jolted up in his seat, looked at his unfinished report and then sprung into Welsh's office.

"Wuz'up Lt.?"

"There's a stiff coming from Lincoln Park. I think it's one of our snitches."

"What?"

"Yeah. It was called in this morning. I sent Huey and Dewey to take care of it."

"Whyja send them for?" He exclaimed. He then settled down after noting Welsh's displeased expression. "Which snitch?"

"Leo."

"Leo? One of Lanzano's guys?"

"Yeah."

"Shit! Do we make Lanzano for it?"

"Don't know. That's what you're gonna have to find out."

"Lieutenant," 

"Look Ray, you've gotten further on this thing than anyone else. It's your case. You weren't in yet when the call came in."

"Yeah," he mumbled. "We got any witnesses."

"Two," he said. "There were two. It seems to be an odd situation. One saw part of the homicide but noticed the other in better position to see it all. She took off."

"What about the other witness? Can he I.D. her?

"He only saw her from behind, he said."

"Damn it!"

"He doesn't want to talk either."

"Get'em in here. I'll get to him."

**************************************************************************************

Ellen woke up on her coach that morning early. Something about that biological clock, she thought. She threw on a pair of sweats and grabbed her Discman and left her apartment for an early morning jog. Dear Lord, after all of that pizza and wine! Thoughts of Kowalski drifted through her mind. She had such a lovely time with him. And he was such a gentleman not to wake her. The thought of him made her smile. She had to see him. She had to let him know she had a good time and wanted to do it again, even though she fell into a deep sleep while he talked about... what was it? Fraser. Right. 

Nothing could bring her down today. She was running on a cloud. Listening to the music, jogging along. Nothing could bother her. Except, that is, what she encountered on the pier that morning.

It was early. The park and the pier were empty. She liked running when it was like this. She knew it wasn't the safest way to exercise but she liked the solitude. But then she saw it. Three men. Two men in black leather trenchcoats and another man dressed in a Chicago Cubs starter jacket. The men were arguing. The two in leather with the lone Cub man. And then one of the leather men, she knew him, pulled out a knife and started stabbing the man, repeatedly. She pulled off to the side, hiding herself. She felt nauseous. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. She pulled off her headphones to free her hearing. She waited there for five minutes. Five turned into ten and then doubled to twenty. She gathered her courage and peeked out of her hiding spot. The pier was clear. She left her hiding place and went home.

**************************************************************************************

Ray paced the interrogation room impatiently. "Whaddya mean you only saw her from behind?" He hounded the witness.

"Just that. I only saw the back of her head. She was wearing headphones and a jogging suit. She was exercising I guess."

"What about her hair?"

"She was wearing a baseball cap. Cubs."

"You could see the hat!"

"Well, sort of. It was one of those special ones. The ones that they gave out for the World Series commemoration. Not everyone got one of those ya know!"

"You can't ID the killers either right?"

"I didn't see them. I only saw the arms of one of them when the guy got stabbed."

"What about the arm?"  


"I think he was wearin' leather. I don't know!"  


"Come on!"

The door opened then and Dewey peeked in. "Hey, uh Ray, there's a woman here to see ya."

**************************************************************************************

Ellen walked into the squadroom of the 27th Precinct, Chicago PD slowly that afternoon. Her hands were shaking violently and she felt nervous. At this point she didn't know if the thought of Ray was making her nervous or the murder she had witnessed earlier that morning. A murder she couldn't tell Ray about.

A dark haired man approached her as she made her way further into the room. "Hello Miss," he said smoothly. "May I help you?"

She smiled cautiously at him. "I hope so. I'm looking for Detective Kowalski."

He sighed. "Oh, too bad. Wait here at his desk." He showed her to a chair adjacent to his desk. "I'll get him for you."

"Thank you."

**************************************************************************************

She stood when she saw him. He smiled brightly when he saw her. They greeted each other carefully, wanting to get closer but hesitancy kept them at a distance.

"Hey," he said. "What are you doing here?"

"I had the day off and I wanted to apologize for falling asleep and..."

"Hey, hey, hey." He put his hands up to stop her. He moved closer to her. "S'okay. You were really tired."

"Well I wanted to offer to buy you lunch, if you want." She looked into his smiling face.

"Oh yeah, I want."

She smiled feeling her stomach settle. She nodded. "Good."

"I just gotta finish up here. I'll be another couple minutes."

"Okay."

"If you want you can wait here."

"Sure."

He smiled at her before turning back to the interrogation room. He noted Huey and Dewey staring at her. "Hey!" he shouted at them. "Keep yer eyes in yer head!"

**************************************************************************************

Ray pulled the GTO into the restaurant slowly. The ride had been quiet. A little too quiet for him. Just yesterday, she was chattering away about her brother and his GTO. Today, her silence bothered him.

Before pulling the keys from the ignition he spoke up.

"You Okay, Ellen? Yer awfully quiet."

"Oh, I'm fine." She noted his reluctance to shut the car off. She turned to him and smiled. "Everything is fine now."

He wanted to reach out and touch her. But he didn't want to scare her either. He didn't know what is was about her that kept him at a distance when every part of him wanted to get closer. "Hey, do you dance?"

"What do you mean? Like disco or hip hop stuff?"

"No. I mean really dance. Waltz. Tango."

"Gosh no. My father didn't' think I was coordinated enough for it. I never learned."

"Wouldja like to?"

"Is it hard to learn?"

"Not if you have a good teacher." He grinned.

"You can dance like that?"

"You ever seen Fred Astaire?"

"Of course."

"I'm not him but I'm still pretty good."

She chuckled softly. "That sounds lovely. When?"

"Whenever you're free."

She nodded. "Okay. I'll check the hospital schedule."

"Good."

**************************************************************************************

They found nothing at the crime scene. It had been scrubbed so clean, one would doubt there had been a murder. Except for the witnesses. But not even Fraser could find anything, or so Ray thought. Ray knew it was Lanzano. Only he could be so thorough. And he would certainly get the witness information before them. 

Lanzano. Ray had been working the Lanzano family for almost a year. Ever since he and Fraser returned from the Beaufort Sea. Vecchio had taken off with Stella and Ray plunged into his police work. It was Lanzano's people in the warehouse. It was their best lead. And he went and got shot, blowing it to bits.

**************************************************************************************

She knocked on Ray's door early that evening. She carried bags of Chinese food in one arm and her backpack in another. Ray had promised a long night. Her first dancing lesson...

"Yer early." He smiled, happy as hell that she was. He took the food from her and led her in.

"Can't help myself sometimes." She followed him. He had the furniture moved to side.

"I like that you can't help yourself." He set the food on the table and started taking it out of the bag. "How much didya get? Geez..."

"I can never choose one thing. Besides, you said it would be a long night."

"Yeah, I did say that." He took plates out of the cupboard, along with flatware. He took the chopsticks out of the bag and set them down. "You use these?"

"Sure. Sometimes."

"I could never figure those things out. Especially with rice."

She laughed at the grimace on his face and then moved into the living room. She browsed his Compact disc collection as he worked with dinner.

"You've got quite a diverse taste in music."

"Well it takes all kinds, ya know. I listen to the quick, harder stuff most of the time." He stepped beside her and scanned the discs. "But fer dancing," He leaned forward and pulled out a CD. He handed it to her.

"Roxy Music?"

"Yeah, from the Eighties. Here," he lifted the CD out of her hands and placed the disc in the player. Music wafted through the room, slow and sensual. 

"This is nice. What is it called?"

"It's called Avalon."

"Oh, I like it."

"Here." He stood in front of her and took her hands. His touch sent waves of warmth through her body. She couldn't explain what he did to her. And she drew a deep breath when one of his arms found its way around her waist and rested in the center of her back. He pulled her closer. Their hands clasped together.

"Move your right foot back. My foot is gonna follow you as you do it." 

"Okay."

"and then my foot is gonna move back and yer gonna follow as I do it."

"Got it."

"Okay, on three..."

"One."

"Two."

"Three." She drew her foot back, her toe resting on the floor for a second, his leg had followed her but then retreated and she slid her foot along with his. She looked down at her feet as she moved.

"No, no." he said softly. "Eyes on mine."

"But,"

"No buts, Ellie. Eyes always on mine."

She nodded slowly. "Okay."

Ray knew he could dance with her forever. He loved teaching her. She would watch her feet and he always had to remind her to keep her eyes with his. But she learned. She learned quickly. It made him happy. Happier than he had been in a long time. Happy to be dancing again. Dancing again with someone that brought the passion back into the dance. At first, he felt guilty. Guilty that he was doing this with her. He had always danced with Stella. Ellen. Ellen was different. He loved the feel of her young, lithe body as it learned to move with his. Ah... the dance.

It was romantic. She thought it was the most romantic time in her life, dancing with him. They would get so close to each other and let the music take them. They could let their bodies take them. He was incredibly patient and careful with his instruction. It comforted her. And soon she was more comfortable with him than she had been with anyone in her life. She just wished she could bring herself to trust him. Although she knew him to be trustworthy, she could never reveal herself completely to him. 

**************************************************************************************

"Okay this is it." Ray smiled at her one evening. They had moved all of the furniture in the apartment for one last practice run. Ray had made reservations at the Crystal Ballroom for them for that evening. They were dressed to the gills. Ray wore a tuxedo. Ellen wore of gown of flowing burgundy velvet. 

They moved through the dance gracefully as Roxy Music played over and over...

"You got it." He whispered happily.

"I think so, Ray."

"You really do."

" I can't believe I can actually dance like this."

"That'll show yer dad."

She frowned in his shoulder. "Yeah," She was barely audible. She released his hand then and quickly, yet gently, slid her arms around his neck. She loved this song. His arms encircled her and they moved together slowly. They had always kept to the lesson, kept to the dance. But she wanted to hold him. She wanted to be held by him. 

"This is nice too." She whispered, her lips brushing against his ear.

Ray trembled then, feeling all of the control he was able to keep with her, fall away. "Yeah, it is."

She breathed deeply, taking in the smell of him. 

"You hungry?" he asked. "We got those reservations, ya know."

"Suddenly no."

He backed away then. "Me neither."

She smiled. "We can always order in later."

He nodded. "Yeah."

She moved into him again. "Ray."

"Yeah." His breath came quicker.

Her lips met with his cheek. He was clean-, a rarity for him. He turned his head to her and met her mouth with his own, his need for her overwhelming him. He tried to keep control and keep his hunger complacent but she challenged him, dared him with her tongue to lose himself in her.

"Ellen," he gasped, his mouth inches from her, hands holding her face.

"Ray," she met him there. 

He moved in again, abandoned his control and kissed her with the passion he felt for her. He kissed her mouth, sucked on her beautiful top lip. His mouth fervently moved everywhere, tasting her. She held his head with her hands, guiding him where she wanted him, her jaw, her throat... She then moved her hands downward and eased his jacket off of his shoulders. He watched her as she quickly untied the bowtie and pulled it away from the shirt. Her graceful, nimble hands swiftly undid his buttons and eased his shirt off. Her hands met with the smoothness of his chest. She looked into his face and smiled, her hands slowly gliding up to his shoulders. 

He lifted her then into his arms, his hands firmly grasping the underside of her thighs. She wrapped her legs around him, her mouth making its way once more to his. He carried her then into his bedroom. He eased her onto his bed and rested himself atop her. He continued his oral expedition of her body, his tongue moving skillfully along her skin. Her body shuddered under his mouth. Small murmurs of pleasure escaped her mouth as his tongue found it's way to the inside of her bodice. She had to get out of the dress. She moved up into a sitting position. Reading her mind, Ray reached around her and pulled the zipper down quickly. He eased the dress off her shoulders and pulled if from her arms. She arched her back as he stood and guided the rest of the dress from her body. 

He stood before her after he discarded the burgundy velvet on the floor. Her hands found his hips and her lips found his stomach. Her mouth drifted over him like butterflies. Her hands glided along the pantline, meeting in the front where she unfastened the trousers and eased them off his hips. She glanced up at his face, his eyes on her. He touched her face gently, the slightest smile playing on his lips. Her eyes didn't leave his as she eased the Hanes boxer briefs down, exposing him to her. He eased her down again, kissing her hungrily. He pushed her panties away boldly. He needed her. She knew it. She opened her legs, welcoming him. He moved between her legs and with his hand glided himself into her slowly. A small moan escaped her lips as she received him. He eased his whole body down over her, holding himself on either side of her with his hands. She could feel his breath on her cheek as he slowly moved within her. He moved so slowly yet his breathing came fast against her cheek, warm and urgent. Her mouth found his ear and the tip of her tongue moved slowly over it. " Ray," she almost whimpered.

Her hands moved to his face, shifting it so she could see him. She could feel his body tensing and she wanted to see him when he came. He closed his eyes, feeling the rush. His face contorted as if he was in pain. He drew in his breath and held it until he met his release and he exploded inside of her. He buried his head in her shoulder, spent. Her hands moved into his hair, flattened by sweat. "I love you, Ellen." He whispered impulsively. 

She held him there, her eyes closing in slumber. Loving him too.

**************************************************************************************

Ellen did her best to put the murder she had witnessed behind her. But that became more difficult as time passed. Ray worked as hard at his job as she did at hers. And he was absorbed in a case that she learned was the same murder she had witnessed. Revealing as much would give Ray what he needed for his case and for his career. But it would also jeopardize her. It was a choice that would have been easier had she not been in love with him. But she had found in Ray a comfort and security she had lacked since her mother's death when she was fourteen years old. She had found in his life friendships, family, and a caring milieu in which she could thrive. It was a long time coming and she was selfishly unprepared to relinquish it.

**************************************************************************************

Fraser entered the squadroom one afternoon with his more than serious face on. He approached Ray's desk carefully; knowing the information he had could help his friend, but hurt him as well.

"Hey, Frase." Ray greeted him with a cheerfulness that of late had consumed him.

"Hello Ray." Fraser greeted his partner. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm okay. Actually I'm better than okay." He grinned at the Mountie. He looked like a child with a secret just waiting to be told.

"I need to talk with you Ray."

"Yeah, yeah." He said. "We'll talk on the way." He grabbed his leather jacket from the back of his chair and ushered Fraser toward the door.

"On the way where, Ray?"

"You'll see Frase."

Ray took the stairs two at a time, the spring in his step far more energetic than usual. Fraser couldn't help feeling concerned.

Once in the GTO, Ray spoke up. "So what's going on Fraser?" Ray asked as deftly darted in and out of the Chicago traffic toward his destination. "No, don't tell me. The Ice Queen is changing yer uniform again."

"My uniform? Ray, how did you know-"

"I know everything Frase." He grinned at the utter confusion displayed on the Mountie's face.

"No, Ray that isn't it."

"Okay then," Ray slid the car in between two cars and turned off the ignition.

"Are we here?" 

"Yeah." Ray sprung out of the car and met Fraser on the sidewalk. He led Fraser to a jewelry store.

"Was there a robbery?" Fraser asked him as they entered.

Ray looked at him, the excitement peaking in his eyes. "Nope."

"Then why are we here?"

Ray made his way to the counter and gently slammed a slip of paper on the counter. "I'm picking up." He told the gentleman who lifted the receipt from the counter. The gentleman disappeared behind a navy blue curtain.

"Ray, what are you picking up?"

"You'll see Frase. You gotta tell me whatcha think."

"Of course Ray."

The gentleman returned with a small velvet black box. He set it on the counter and opened it, facing Ray. Ray looked at it first and then lifted the box in his hands. He then held it for Fraser to see. "Whaddya think?" He asked, his voice exuding pride. 

Fraser stared at the diamond ring shining out at him. Perfect color, almost flawless. "Ray, what is this for?"

"Whaddya mean 'what is this for'? Whaddya think it's for?"

"Well, Ray, I'm not sure..."

"It's fer Ellen. I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

Fraser stared at his friend dumbfounded. "Ray, you hardly know her. It's only been..."

"Time doesn't matter Fraser. I knew Stella my whole life. Didn't make her right for me. I love Ellen, Frase. She's perfect. And she feels that way about me. I mean, when we're together..."

"I know but there are things about people-"  


"Don't Fraser. You can't talk me outta this. I love her. That's all that matters."

Fraser sighed then, shoving the information he held to the back of his mind.

**************************************************************************************

Ellen hung Mrs. Wheelers chart at the foot of her bed and headed out of her room. There was a recently usual bounce to her step as she signed herself out to lunch. She headed for the lounge to pick up her bagged lunch. When she walked into the lounge, however, she found the Mountie. He stood when entered the room, his Stetson at his side.

"Hello Fraser." She greeted him with a smile.

"Ellen." He greeted her. "How are you?"

"I'm just fine." She said making her way to the small refrigerator that held her lunch. "And you?"

"I'm very well, thank you kindly."

"So what brings you here, Fraser?"

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"About?"

He sighed heavily. Ellen could see concern clouding his clear blue eyes. It worried her.

"Is Ray okay?"

He looked at her and noticed she wore the ring Ray had shown him just days before. "Ray is fine. He told me your news."

She smiled then. "Wonderful news, isn't it?"

"If you're both sure, yes."

Her smile faded as she met his gaze. "What does mean Fraser?"

"Only that you've only been together a short time. How can you know each other?"

"You can be with someone forever and still not know them. I don't need years to know what Ray is to me, how I feel about him."

"Perhaps there are things that you don't know about each other."

"I'm sure there are, Fraser. And I think that we can deal with them, whatever they are."

He nodded. "Of course. I didn't mean to sound so negative about such wonderful news."

"It's okay. But if you have something to say, I really wish you would just say it."

"I don't."

"All right then." She opened the fridge and pulled out her lunch.

"I have another reason for being here today."

"Yes?"

"Mrs. Vecchio, you know how she cares about Ray,"

"Yes I do. Ray helped her son."

"Yes well Ray is like a son to her as well and in the absence of Ray's family for the time being, Mrs. Vecchio would like to have everyone to dinner."

"That's very kind of her. It's comforting that Ray has so many people that care for him."

"What about your family, Ellen?"

She avoided his gaze, a lump forming in her throat. "I don't have any family." She said.

"I'm terribly sorry. May I ask what happened?"

"No, you may not. I don't like to talk about it."

"Very well. So I should tell Mrs. Vecchio that it will be just you?"

"Yes Fraser. Thank you."

**************************************************************************************

Time didn't seem to be an issue when it came to Ray and Ellen. They spent as much of their time together as they could. It didn't seem to amount too much considering both of their schedules. Wedding plans began to take over their lives as the day they planned to marry started coming into view.

The Vecchio's took an active role in the plans. Franchesca had become a close friend to Ellen, something she had lacked for so many years. Fraser was a brother to Ray and Vecchio, well, when he wasn't in Florida, they were the kind of friends who knew where the other stood and it usually meant with each other when the going got rough. 

Ray had told Ellen about his undercover work as Ray Vecchio. He had explained to her how he had assumed Vecchio's life, ingratiated himself into a family, and gained from it the best friend a man could have in Fraser. And then Vecchio returned quite untimely and shattered the life Ray had taken as his. It was hard at first. Vecchio eloped with Ray's ex-wife, Stella. And he believed that he would take his partner away as well. That's why he stayed in Canada with Fraser for a while. By the time they got back, Vecchio and Stella were in Florida and Ray got to keep his partner. All was well with world for Ray.

Ray's parents arrived just weeks before the wedding, spreading their apologies for not coming sooner. Ray was very forgiving, although it had bothered him that they didn't spring to be with him. He was like a child sometimes, insecure and afraid. It was those times that Ellen felt an intense need to protect him from any harm that could come to him. Especially the harm she herself could do to him.

**************************************************************************************

It was a quiet night, the night Ellen asked Fraser to give her away. She had asked him to her apartment and he had accepted warmly. Ray was working the graveyard shift and he often asked Fraser to check up on Ellen anyway. It was funny to her the way he looked out for her. She had been managing all these years...

They talked over pizza, Fraser and Ellen. She had gotten out of work around eight that evening and Fraser had met her at the hospital and walked her home. They always ate pizza. She guessed it was because it's what Ray would eat if he was with them.

"You said that you had something important to ask me," Fraser began sipping his soda carefully.

"Yeah Frase." Ellen smiled. "I told you once that I didn't have any family,"

"Yes, you did."

"Well that doesn't leave anyone to give me away at the wedding. Would you?"

Fraser stared at her, honored by her request and guilty for his doubts about her. "I would be honored to do so, Ellen."

"Thank you."

"But I have a request."

"A request? Anything Fraser."

"Tell me why you didn't tell Ray about the murder."

She met his gaze, dread filling her eyes. "What murder?"

"The one you witnessed at the pier months ago. The one you know Ray has been trying to wrap up."

She put the slice of pizza that she had been holding down on her plate. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He dug into his pocket and pulled out the earring he had found at the pier. The earring he had looked into and found to be a rare a piece few women in Chicago owned. The earring he had intended to show Ray that day they went to the jewelry store. He set the earring on the table between their plates.

She looked at it for a moment. "Where did you find it?"

"The pier where you lost it."

"I jog at the pier everyday Fraser."

"You don't think it wouldn't have been found before then if you had dropped it earlier? That someone wouldn't have found a shiny diamond and sold it for whatever they could get for it?"

"I can't explain that." She stood up and walked into the kitchen. She put both hands, palm down, on the counter and breathed deeply.

"Ellen, you have a Cubs hat?" Fraser followed her, not halting his inquisition.

"Yes Fraser. I have a Cubs hat. Half of the people in Chicago have a Cubs hat."

"Yes but only twenty people have the limited edition Cubs hat that was sold for charity on the anniversary of the Cubs last World Series."

Her breath came faster.

"That hat auctioned for a lot of money and yet you wear it often."

"Why spend money for something you won't use?"

"Like the earrings?"

"They were a gift."

"From who?"

She said nothing.

"From who?"

"My father!"

"You have no father."

"No Fraser, I had a father. I said I have no family. Not anymore. Not since I left them."

"Why did you leave them Ellen?"

"Don't."

"Why did you leave them Ellen?" He repeated the question more forcefully.

"Stop."

"Was it because they are cold blooded killers?"

"Please,"

"Was it because they were-:

"STOP!" She shouted facing him. "You cannot begin to imagine what you're doing!"

"He's my friend and my partner. And I don't want him to get hurt."

"I won't hurt him. I love him."

"Then tell him who you are."

She closed her eyes. "I can't. And it isn't because I'm someone else. But because that person could never have what she has now, Ray included."

"I can't tell you what to do, Ellen. But you can't build your life with Ray on a lie."

"There is no lie when it comes to Ray."

He sighed. "Very well."

"Will you leave please?"

"Ellen,"

"Please. I want to be alone."

He nodded then. "Of course."

"Thank you."

She watched him pick up his Stetson and leave. She turned back towards the dining room. She lifted her earring from the table. _What do I do?_

**************************************************************************************

The weeks drifted by and the wedding drew nearer. Fraser had remained true to Ellen and kept her secret between the two of them. But the fact that he knew wore on her. He would look at her in ways that begged her to tell Ray everything. He made subtle remarks that only the two of them understood. Part of her wanted to give in but most her knew that she couldn't.

The final five days before the wedding were crazy, to say the least. Ellen had the final approval and pick up of her dress, flowers arrangements were finalized, rings were picked up and all of their money was laid out to pay for everything. So it was really going to happen.

 

Ellen sat in Ray's apartment the Friday night before the big day. She knew that he was off at his bachelor party, an idea that she thought would bother her but in reality didn't. She knew that he'd be coming home that night and would be surprised to find her there. She had agreed to do that traditional "not on the night before" thing. But she gathered her guilt, conscience, and resolve and went to Ray's with the intention of telling him everything.

Ray walked in the door around one o'clock that morning. She thought that was a little early but didn't complain. And she had been right. He was surprised to see her.

"Hey, what are you doin' here?" he asked a smile spreading across his tired face.

"I couldn't spend even one night without you." She smiled back.

He went to her and embraced her, holding her tight to him. "I'm glad. I didn't really wanna sleep alone tonight."

Her smile faded as she buried her head in his shoulder. God, she loved him. She loved the smell of him, the movement of his body when he breathed. "I have to tell you something." She whispered.

"Sure." He said not surrendering his hold on her.

"It's not easy for me to say."

He backed away then and faced her. "You can tell me anything. You know that."

She nodded and looked into his face, gathering her courage from him. "I know who murdered that man."

"What man? Whaddya talking about?"

"The man on the pier. I was the other witness."

"What?" He asked as if he thought his ears may be deceiving him.

"It was my brother who killed that man."

"Yer brother?"

"Yeah. Tommie Lanzano."

"Wait a minute. What the hell is going on?"

She sighed heavily. "I'm Georgio Lanzano's youngest daughter, Elena."

He shook his head. "I don't understand."

"My legal name is Ellen Lang. I ran from my family when I was eighteen. I took money that was willed to me by my mother and left. Changed my name. Changed my look. I became who I am now."

He stared at her, emotions shifting gears constantly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't. I've been running from my family for ten years. I had to be the only person who knew."

"Then why tell me now?"

She sat down then. "My mother died when I was fourteen. Back then, I didn't think about anything my family was involved in. My father kept me pretty sheltered from it all. But my mother wrote me a letter before she died telling me of some money she was willing to me when I turned eighteen. She told me that I would know what to do with it. As I got older, I started to see more, listen more. I realized who my father was. I realized that he was a killer and he was bringing my brother Tommie into the fray with him. And then it was brought to my attention by my twin brother A.G. that I was going to be married off when I turned eighteen."

"Married off?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah. A business deal really. I was going to be married off to a middle aged head of a family on the West Coast to unite the two families."

"I didn't think that happened anymore."

"Well it does. And it would have happened to me if I didn't take my mother's money and run."

"So you did."

"So I did. I changed my name and went off to medical school in California."

"Why would you come back to Chicago? Why take that risk?"

"I had stayed in contact with A.G. and well he assured me that my family wouldn't think to look under their noses for me. I've been in Chicago for two years now. There's never been any indication that they know I'm here. I couldn't come forward as a witness because then they'd know."

He sighed. He moved to the couch and sat next to her. "It doesn't leave this room."

"What?"

"You didn't see any murder. You weren't even there."

She looked at him. "Ray,"

"It's done. I know who you are. I know how I feel about you. This doesn't change that."

She moved into him and he held her close to him. "So we're still getting married?"

"Unless of course you don't want to."

She chuckled then. "I love you, Ray."

**************************************************************************************

Ellen left early that morning. Ray was still sleeping cuddled with her pillow. She headed over to the Vecchio house where Frannie met her with coffee and breakfast. 

"Ma's been up since five this morning."

"Your mother is a sweetheart."

"Well Kowalski's like a son to her, you know that."

"Yeah, so I've been told on countless occasions."

"So you ready for this?"

"As I'll ever be."

**************************************************************************************

Fraser stayed with Ray for most of the day as the two prepared all the last minute details for the wedding. After he put the final creases in Ray's trousers and helped him with the bowtie, Fraser left to be with Ellen. He had duties to her as well. So was his trust on this day.

Ray checked himself in the mirror one final time before heading out the door. His hair was fluffier than usual. No surprise there. He was nervous. Somehow his hair responded to the nervous energy in his body. After giving himself approval, he grabbed his keys from the counter and headed for the door. Waiting for him on the other side, however, were three suited men. One of them Ray recognized to be Tommie Lanzano.

"Stanley Kowalski?" Tommie asked, an intimidating smile on his face.

"Yeah," Ray answered unmoved by the Mafia standing in front of him.

"We'd like to have a word with you if you don't mind."

"Actually guys I'd like to take a rain check. I'm heading out to get married."

Tommie shook his head menacingly.

__

Shit! Kowalski thought silently. _Where's my damn gun?_

"We just want to have a little talk. That's all." The men shoved their way inside, pushing Ray backwards as they did so. One of the two men beside Tommie closed the door behind them. "Why don't you tell me about your bride to be?" 

"Whaddya want me to say?"

"Tell us about her."

"She's a doctor."

"Hmmm. Noble profession. Where's the wedding?"

"I'm not tellin' ya where yer sister is. She don't want nothin' to do with you or yer family. So just leave her alone."

"A.G., persuasion please."

Ray eyed the one Tommie called A.G. Ellen had mentioned him once. Her twin brother. The only one she mentioned fondly. 

A.G. Lanzano strode forward towards Ray. Ray prepared himself and fought against A.G.'s gripping hands. The second man joined in the fray bearing brass knuckles that knocked all the fight out of Ray with each blow. All the while, Tommie kept demanding where his sister was. 

And then they stopped pummeling him. The third man, Ray heard Tommie call him Paulie, held him up and A.G., at Tommie's urging started to rummage through Ray's apartment. Ray could feel the job they did on him all over.

A.G. returned with Ray's toolbox. Out of which, he withdrew a hammer. Ray closed his eyes not wanting to think about what they would do next. The two men grabbed hold of him tightly and dragged his limp body to the counter. They held both hands palms down, flush against it. Tommie took the hammer from A.G. Ray had nothing left to fight with, fear and adrenaline gone.

"You're going to tell me where my sister is Stanley."

Ray laughed maniacally. 

"Take him to the door." Tommie said then, gripping the hammer's handle until his knuckles turned white.

"But Tommie," A.G. spoke finally.

"Just lean him against the wall. Hold up his hands." He dug into the toolbox and pulled out six-inch nail. He then faced Ray. "Don't play the martyr, Stanley. We all know what happens to martyrs."

Ray summoned what little strength he had left and spit into Tommie Lanzano's face. Tommie pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his chin. "Hold him still."

"Tom," A.G. spoke up again, almost urgently. "He's a cop, Tom."

"Don't worry little brother. I'm not gonna kill him. Like you said, he's more valuable to me alive. Just watch and learn. Hold him still."

The two men held Ray as still as they could. Ray could feel the point of the nail against his palm. He tried frantically to fight or move. But they held him so tight and his weakening body offered him nothing. He felt the nausea rise out of his stomach. He didn't think his pain could get any worse until Tommie Lanzano hammered the nail through his hand into the wall.

He cried out loudly, agony ripping through his body.

"The church, Stanley."

"Go to hell," Ray whimpered.

Tommie took out another nail and then hammered his other hand to the wall. 

"The church, Stanley."

Ray was almost unconscious. "Fuck you."

"She can't run anymore, Stanley. She has a weakness now."

Ray had nothing left to say and to his surprise and relief they left him there, nailed to the wall beside his door. He heard their footsteps fade. It was then he began to sob as he pulled his hand forward, ripping them from the wall, falling face forward to the floor.

 

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

Fraser escorted Ellen to the honeymoon suite at the Ritz-Carlton. Ray had wanted to spare no expense on their wedding night and he hadn't. He had reserved for them one of the finest rooms in all of the city. She would have been happy in his apartment or hers. It really didn't matter to her.

"Would you like me to help you with your dress?" Fraser asked her softly, not wanting to push her too quickly.

"No. I'll be fine." She whispered, staring at their suitcases packed and ready for their early morning flight to post wedded bliss.

"What can do?"

She turned to him, her eyes dry. "Nothing."

"I'm so sorry, Ellen."

"You saw him before you came to the church?"

"Yes."

"And he was fine?"

"Yes. He couldn't wait to get there."

"Maybe we should call the hospitals."

"Welsh took care of it. Nothing. Nothing's came across dispatch either."

She sighed sadly. "Why would he do this? I don't understand."

"Maybe he just got scared."

"But last night he was so ready for it."

"I don't know Ellen. I know he loves you. But I can't help thinking that he loved Stella too. And she loved him once. But that didn't stop her from ripping his heart out on countless occasions."

"I'm not Stella."

"I know that. He knows that."

"I don't think I've ever felt this bad before."

"I'm so sorry, Ellen."

"I need to be alone, Fraser. Please."

"Ellen,"

"You can come back and check on me if you feel it necessary."

He sighed. "But-"

"Please go to the Crystal Ballroom. Assure whoever showed up there that everything is okay. And uh, please, the band needs to be paid... the photographer..." She moved to her backpack and began shuffling through it. She took out several envelopes and handed them to Fraser. "Please. I can't do this now."

"All right. But I will be back."

"Fine." She nodded.

He embraced her before leaving her.

Ellen waited until Fraser left and then broke down completely into a fit of crying. She kept asking herself why. Why would he strand her at the altar? Was it because of the other night? Was it because of who her family was? Why wouldn't he have just told her then? Why would he continue to build her hopes up so much...

An hour went by and, in the midst of her weeping, the telephone rang. She dashed up quickly the moment she heard it and picked it up before it could ring a second time.

"Ray," she gasped into the receiver.

"No Elena."

Ellen closed her eyes at the sound of her father's voice. "Pop." She murmured quietly.

"So you remember my voice?"

"No Pop. Just the feeling I get when I hear it."

"Is that anyway to talk to your father on your wedding day?"

Ellen breathed deeply suddenly. "Oh God," she slammed down the receiver and raced out of her room and out of the hotel. She met Fraser outside as he was making his return. She was hailing a cab when he ran to her.

"What's going on?" He asked her, helping her into the cab noticing the fear and urgency on her face.

"It's Ray. Get in!" 

Fraser got in the cab and before he could close the door, Ellen had ordered the driver to Ray's apartment as fast as one hundred dollars would take them.

"What do you mean? Ellen, what about Ray?" Fraser asked as they held on for dear life as the driver dodged traffic and sped his way towards Ray's.

"I don't know. My father... He called... He knew... Oh God!" She couldn't catch her breath. 

"Calm down. It could be nothing."

"It's never nothing with my father."

The driver pulled the cab to the curb. Ellen threw a hundred-dollar bill at him and pushed Fraser out of the cab. She ran past him, dashing into the building and taking the stairs two at a time, made it to Ray's door. She opened the unlocked door and found Ray face down, blood everywhere, on the floor.

"Oh God," she cried and knelt down before him. 

Fraser was not far behind and gasped in horror at the sight. He went immediately and silently to the phone and called 911. He then knelt on the opposite side of Ray. He watched as Ellen went to work.

Ellen rolled Ray over and checked his vital signs. Satisfied with his pulse, she examined his body, taking note of all of his injuries. 

"Ray," she whispered urgently. "Ray, please try to wake up." Her fear and distress came through in her voice. 

Nothing.

"Ellen is he going to be-"

"He's going to be fine." She said firmly, her "I'm not taking no for an answer" attitude taking over. "Go downstairs so the medics know where to come."

"Right you are." He quickly stood up and ran downstairs quickly.

It didn't take long for the medics to get there. They started on him immediately, got him up and stabilized and then carried him off to the ambulance. 

"Go with him." She told Fraser.

"What about you?"

"I'll be there in a bit. Just go with him. Make sure you don't leave him alone, not for a minute. And get someone who carries a gun to guard him."

"Ellen,"

"Just go. He's gonna need someone."

"He needs you."

"I'll be there when I can. I have business to attend to."

Ellen knew that what happened to Ray was her brother's handy work, his hands especially. Nobody quite enjoyed their job like her brother did. 

She waited for a few minutes and as if on cue, Ray's telephone rang. She picked it up. "Where?" She asked without a greeting. 

"Home. I've always been here."

**************************************************************************************

Ellen made her way to her childhood home still dressed in her, now blood stained wedding gown. Her makeup was a mess, her hair completely out of place. She didn't care. She wanted her father to see her at her worst. She was so angry and hurt that she could have killed him on sight.

After ten years her father had not changed much, nor did Tommie. He still stood to her father's right, hovering over him like a mother hawk. A.G. now stood to his left, looking quite the Mafia man. It was to him she spoke first.

"Tell me it wasn't you." Was all she said to him. But her twin brother, her most trusted friend from her old life, remained silent. "You bastard," she felt tears sting her eyes. "You told them. You told them where to find me. You brought them there."

"Grow up, Elena." 

She closed her eyes, her tears squeezing through the lids. She then looked from A.G. to Tommie. "God forgive you both, because I never will."

"Enough." Her father spoke finally, rising from his oversized leather office chair. "Come closer."

"This is close enough."

"You couldn't change your clothes before coming here."

"No, I couldn't. This is me. What you've made of me."

"You made your own bed, Elena."

"I don't go by that name anymore."

"IT'S YOUR GIVEN NAME!" Her father roared.

She faced him, unmoved by his outburst. "It's the name you gave me. A name I choose to disregard."

"Ten years, Elena."

"Yes, Pop. Ten years. Ten years of being happy and living the life Momma intended for me!"

"Your mother did not raise to defy your family." He approached her slowly. She remained still, her feet planted firmly in an attempt to exhibit her resolve and strength.

"My mother didn't want me to become what she became."

"Which was?"

"Unhappy. Fake. A procreator. Essentially a whore."

Georgio Lanzano raised his hand and it met with his daughter's cheek in a ferocious slap. Yet she remained unmoved, Ray's mangled face keeping her strong. "You will not disrespect your mother-"

"My mother is the reason I left! Every day she was unhappy. Unhappy in a marriage that she was coerced into. Disgusted that she had to submit to a man she loathed and bear his children, two of which became the very thing she despised! She didn't want that for me. It was because of her that I was able to leave. It was at her posthumous urging that I left!"

Ellen watched her father tremble uncontrollably. Tommie stepped beside him and helped to steady him. He then looked at his sister. "Go to your room."

"No. I'm going home."

"This is home." He then turned to A.G. "Take her upstairs."

A.G. approached his twin sister. She backed away. "Don't touch me."

"Upstairs, Elena." A.G. said, a tone in his voice she recognized as guilt.

She turned on her heel and headed for the stairs. A.G. followed behind her. "Get away from me A.G.," she snapped as she climbed the stairs towards her old bedroom.

"Elena."

"I will not respond to that name." She reached the door and opened. She entered the room and went to close the door. A.G. stopped it with his foot. "Leave me alone. You betrayed me."

"I didn't."

She laughed incredulously as tears formed in her eyes. She stared at her twin brother. The brother she loved so much so long. "How could you do that to me?" She whispered giving in, backing away from the door. He moved into the room and closed the door. 

"We'll go for a walk in the garden after you change."

"No."

"Ellen, please."

She met his gaze at the sound of her name. She nodded and he left.

**************************************************************************************

She found A.G. pacing the garden waiting for her. She had changed into a pair of old jeans and a maroon short sleeved Henley. Her father's garden had not changed. Flowers of red, yellow and purple lined the pathway, still blooming beautifully in these early fall months waiting for the first to come, bringing a beauty to the house that otherwise displayed perversion. 

"We can talk out here." A.G. said when she approached him. "They can't hear us."

She eyed him carefully. "What's going on A.G.?"

"You just have to play this out for a little while. Let Pop think he's won. Don't submit that easily but defer gradually."

She shook her head. "I can't, A.G."

"You have to. Just give me a little more time."

"Time for what?"

He sighed and looked down. "They're going down, Ellen. And I'm going to be the one taking them there."

"They? As in Pop and Tommie."

"Yeah."

"How? Why?"

They continued walking, A.G. speaking quietly. "Do you remember Sara?"

"Of course I remember Sara. You were going marry her until she..." Ellen looked at her brother, a sick feeling overtaking her. "Not Pop."

He nodded. "Yeah, Pop."

"God, A.G., I'm... I didn't..."

"You couldn't. But when I found out, that's when I disappeared for that year."

"I remember."

"I was in Palermo for a while and it was while I was there that I was approached by several members of the FBI. They made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Help them or they tell Pop about you."

"They used me to get to you?"

"Yeah."

"But you told them anyway."

"I had to. It was the only way I could get close to Pop. You know that he and I never saw eye to eye. I didn't quite live up Tommie. The only way to prove myself was to turn you over to him."

Tears clouded her vision once again. "Who roughed up Ray?"

"I did."

She closed her eyes and turned away from him. "How..." she choked on her tears.

"I didn't' do that to his hands. That-"

"I know. I know Tommie's work when I see it." She faced him again. "You couldn't find any other way? You could have killed him."

"If it had been left up to Pop he'd be dead already. I talked them into keeping him alive. Made them realize with him dead, you'd be gone again."

She shook her head. "I don't believe this."

"I'm sorry Ellen but I didn't know any other way."

"You promise he'll be safe and I'll do whatever I can."

"I'll work it out. He's going to have to leave town."

She nodded. "I'll-"

He shook his head. "I'll take care of it. You can't see him."

"I have to see him. I have to make sure,"

"I'll take care of everything Ellen."

She sighed. "All right. But you make sure he knows that I know."

He nodded. "I will."

"Okay."

**************************************************************************************

Ellen helped A.G. at every turn. She kept her father busy at times when A.G. needed her which usually meant a lot of pride swallowing. They still fought. Ellen took A.G. at his word and kept the family on their toes while he gathered the evidence he would need to turn over to the Bureau. In keeping with his end of the bargain, A.G. helped keep Ray safe. After recovering fully, Ray had outright refused to leave town and worked his own end to bring down the Lanzano family. A.G. brought constant updates on Ray's progress and that appeased her. It kept her going until everything culminated to an end.

 

Ellen strolled by her father's study and stopped when she heard shouting. She heard Tommie's voice overpowering A.G.'s as the two squared off. Tommie shouted about family and loyalty. A.G. shouted about morality and humanity. Tommie called him self-righteous and hypocritical. A.G. had nothing more to say.

Ellen stole upstairs to her room and grabbed her cellular phone. She quickly dialed the FBI number that A.G. had given her. She reported the trouble and then headed back downstairs. By this time her father had entered the study and the shouting resumed. Ellen knew she couldn't let her brother stand-alone. She pushed the study door open. The shouting stopped. All three men looked at her. Tommie was shoving paperwork into a shredder. 

"Pack your things Elena, we're leaving." Her father told her.

She shook her head. "What's going on?"

"Just do as I say or go with nothing?"

"Where are we going?"

"Pop's taking you on a trip to Italy, Ellie." A.G. grinned at her.

"I can't go to Italy."

"And why not?" Her father eyes her.

"I don't speak Italian."

"Damn it Elena! Just do as I tell you."

"I can't do that."

"Elena, we don't have time for this."

"I'm not going Pop." She moved toward A.G. and stood by him. 

Georgio Lanzano sighed and laughed incredulously. "I should have known it was too good to be true. I should have known you were staying for a reason."

"I would rather be dead than be a part of your family."

Tommie stepped forward. "That can be arranged." He pulled a gun from his jacket. It seemed to go in slow motion for Ellen. There was nothing she could do. Tommie had aimed the gun at her and had fired. But A.G. stepped in the way. The force of the bullet pushed him back into her and the two were pounded against the wall. Tommie fired again and Ellen could feel the bullet tear into her flesh at her shoulder. He fired once more before they heard the sirens. Tommie grabbed their father and the two headed out of the study. Ellen managed to push her brother off of her. She rolled him over and saw his death cover his face.

"Oh no, no. NOOOO!" She cried out. "No please. A.G." She started CPR on him, pushing into his chest, forcing her breath into his mouth. "Come on A.G. Please. Please..."

**************************************************************************************

A.G. Lanzano didn't reach the hand his sister held out to him. He was laid to rest three days after the shooting. Georgio Lanzano was apprehended. Thomas Lanzano escaped on a private jet to wherever.

Ellen stared at her brother's gravesite, solemnly. She had no tears left to cry. This was the one she couldn't save. Her twin brother. A piece of her. He had saved her this time.

Ray came up from behind her and put his arms around her waist. "You ready?"

She shook her head. "Not yet."

"Okay. You want me to go?"

"No." She put her hand over his. "Never again."

"I promise."

She turned to him and buried herself in his embrace. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."

"You'd go on the way you always have."

"Yeah I would. But I like going on this way."

"Me too."

She looked at her brother's grave one more time. "We can go now."

He took her hand the two walked together, with the eyes of the remaining Lanzano clan on them.

 

The End.


End file.
